Vices
by kalea87
Summary: Lana's not as perfect as Clark thinks...
1. Fears

Vices  
  
AN: very short little fic, but I'm thinking of continuing it. Post-ep for "Accelerate," and it will go into an AU from there if I keep going. Tell me what you think!  
  
Today I told Clark what I am afraid of. I told him that I am afraid that one day he will see the real me and be disappointed. He was very nice about it, but I don't think he understands.  
  
Clark sees me as perfect, and at first I thought it was endearing and sweet, but now it scares me.  
  
It scares me because maybe I am a better actress than I thought. Maybe I've hidden myself beneath so many masks that I've become them, and lost myself forever.  
  
Or maybe Clark's adoration scares me because I've grown to like him. And I've lost everyone I've ever cared about: my parents, right before my eyes; Whitney, my first love; Emily, my childhood best friend; and now Nell has left as well. I've discovered that the life expectancy of someone in Smallville can be considerably lower than the rest of the country, and I don't know how many more people I can loose. I always try and keep my distance from those around me.  
  
My mind has come so muddled with truths and lies and false smiles that I can't even sort through my own thoughts. I've piled lie upon lie, and at the heart of this mess is one simple truth:  
  
I am a meteor freak. 


	2. Discovery

AN: Thanks to everyone for reviewing! (and just in case you forgot... I don't own Smallville. Sad, really because just think of the things that would happen if someone from ff.net owned Smallville... Oh, the possibilities!!! Muhahaha!!!) Oh, yeah... This is going to be Clana-ish (I say "ish" because I don't guarantee that they will get together or anything). On to the story....  
  
Chapter Two: Discovery  
  
I found out the summer that I was ten years old. I had lost my necklace somewhere -- quite possibly outside -- and felt sure I would never see it again. The one link I had to my parents was lost, and I was devastated.  
  
Nell told me not to worry, that we would find it. We would look as soon as the sun came up; we would get a metal detector; we would hire a psychic; we would pray to Saint Anthony, the patron saint of lost things. Even with this reassurance, I cried myself to sleep.  
  
I woke up at the crack of dawn and went outside immediately, not even pausing to eat or get dressed. I looked absolutely everywhere I had been the day before, and then everywhere else outside. When I had looked in every nook and cranny and still hadn't found my necklace, I went inside to look there.  
  
Nell was in hysterics. "Lana! Lana, oh my God, where have you been?! I woke up and you were gone! Do you have any idea how worried --" She broke off when she saw that I was crying.  
  
"Oh honey," Nell sighed, and knelt down to give me a hug. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. I was just worried about you! What's wrong, sweetie?"  
  
"I can't f-find it!" I sobbed.  
  
"Oh, Lana," Nell said, giving me a reassuring smile. "Don't worry too much yet -- we haven't even begun to look." She got up and poured two glasses of lemonade. "I've got to call the Kents and tell them I've found you. Why don't you go out onto the porch? We'll start looking again as soon as I'm done. It'll be just a minute."  
  
I slowly walked out onto the porch and plunked my self down on the steps. As I stared into my glass of lemonade, watching the ice cubes melt, a tear slipped off my cheek and into the glass.  
  
It was green. A shimmering, sparkling, swirling green-tinted tear that slowly mingled with the pale yellow lemonade. I remember thinking, That's pretty.  
  
Then the screen door squeaked open and banged shut, and Nell sat down beside me.  
  
"Clark's going to come help us look," she said in a quiet voice. "Where did you look already this morning?"  
  
Tears flooded back. "E-everywhere!" I cried, and collapsed into sobs again. My parents were gone, gone, gone. Most people don't remember things that happened when they were three. But as I squeezed my eyes shut and sobbed into Nell's sweater, I saw the scene as clearly as if it was happening then. My parents were there, getting out of their car, happy, smiling, and waving to me. And then... The tears came faster as I saw the green explosion that changed my life forever.  
  
Nell rocked me slowly back and forth, making comforting noises and stroking my hair. She pulled back and wiped the tears off my cheeks. Her fingers shone with a green tint from my tears. Green... I thought, and something in my mind said no, that can't be right...  
  
"If it's any consolation," Nell said, "I wish, with all my heart, that you would find your necklace right now." She smiled at me.  
  
And then I knew -- I knew -- where my necklace was. I jumped up and ran across the porch to the potted flowers I had watered the day before. My necklace was there, peeking between the flowers -- a luminous green meteor in an ornate setting. I had found my parents again.  
  
**************************************************************************** **  
  
It happened several other times that summer.  
  
When a neighbor's dog attacked a squirrel in our yard, killing the squirrel in front of me, Nell wished it dead. The dog fell over -- dead, just like that.  
  
When I scraped my knees playing tag at Clark's, Mrs. Kent said, "I wish I had some pretty roses for you. That would make you feel better, right sweetheart?" Pink roses appeared on the kitchen table, which had been clear before.  
  
By the time school began that fall, I knew something was wrong with my tears. If someone wished for something when I cried, it came true. Always.  
  
I decided never to cry again.  
  
AN: this is my plea for help because I have several ideas of where I want this fic to go, but I just can't get it there!!! So if someone wants to co- write this w/ me, or just help me a bit, I would be eternally grateful! Sorry this chapter's so short. I'll try for longer next time, I swear. Please review. Just click the little button... come on, you can do it! 


	3. Disaster

AN: from now on this story will be written by both chillian and me. Please review! (sorry so short, but we figure you guys would like an update sometime!!)  
  
Chapter Three: Disaster  
  
I don't know why Chloe offered to take me in. We were merely acquaintances, really, before we got to know each other through Clark. Then we grew to be friends -- cautiously. Most of the bumps in our friendship stemmed from Clark, one way or another. He's always there, and I doubt he could do more damage if he tried.  
  
When Chloe offered to take me in, we were friends. Not best friends, or even good friends, but friends. I tried not to question her motives, but I did. I thought perhaps she wanted me to stay for Clark's sake. I tried to tell myself I was being ridiculous. I told myself to stop questioning, but the doubt stayed in my mind.  
  
Sometimes I wish Chloe and I were closer friends. Other times I think things might be better the way they are. But there's one thing I know for sure: Clark's always in the way.  
  
When I got up this morning it seemed to be a normal enough day: shower, eat breakfast, listen to Gabe and Chloe argue about Chloe's coffee intake, purposely dawdle just long enough to miss the bus, and listen to Gabe's gas- money-does-not-grow-on-trees lecture as Chloe and I head out to her car. I got to school and endured the usual small talk, boring lectures, and test- taking.  
  
I didn't think things could go from normal to catastrophe so quickly. But maybe I should've expected it. After all, this is Smallville. 


	4. Tears

Chapter Four: Tears  
  
My hair fell into my eyes and shut me away from the world. I couldn't let this get to me -- I just couldn't. *It's fine,* I told myself again and again. I sniffed quietly, but it didn't stop the tears from coming. I felt a green tinged tear roll down my cheek and hid my face in my hands.  
  
When Chloe had begun screaming about friendship, dishonesty, and, of course, Clark, it was all too much. I couldn't take it anymore, so I ran. I just had to get out of there and so I left Chloe in the Torch office and took off. I somehow got to the Talon, which was closed, and let myself in. It was then that the tears began to fall.  
  
"I'm sorry Lana; you didn't have to run away." Chloe had slipped into the Talon and was staring down at me with obvious regret etched into her features.  
  
"Chloe, I really need to be alone right now." I furtively wiped at my eyes to stop the tears, but had little success.  
  
"Normally I'd let you wallow in anger and frustration, but I think we should talk. We agreed not to let boys come between our friendship and I went back on it." Chloe eased herself onto the bench and opened her arms, a sunny smile replacing the hard line of her mouth. "Can I at least give you a hug?"  
  
I gave into the temptation and gave her a hug that smelled of paper and vanilla.  
  
"You know, sometimes I wish Clark wasn't around, complicating things with hormones and flannel," Chloe said lightly.  
  
I tensed, and immediately pulled away, horrified.  
  
"Are you okay Lana? I was just joking you know," Chloe said, puzzled.  
  
I avoided Chloe's gaze. I tried to give her a reassuring smile as I got up to leave. *Maybe it won't work this time. Maybe my powers are gone.* But deep down I knew it wasn't true; the damage had been done. 


End file.
